Goodbye
by animegirl1363
Summary: You can't just get over the death of someone you love. When they die a part of you dies with them. And sometimes you just can't go on. (Suicide Warning).


Do you ever feel like there is some part of you that you can't get back?

It's been like that for me ever since Takaru died. Something died within me. Something I can't explain. A never ending sadness covers my heart and it won't go away. Do you really ever get over someone's death? Can you really get over the death of someone you love? Short answer, no.

I grieved, but I could never seem to recover like everyone else. Questions about my health always come up. I tell them lies, hoping that it will become the truth. If I tricked myself into being happy I'll be happy. It didn't work. For everyone else it did. So I kept up the lie to make things easier. They all seemed to move on in their own ways. After cleaning up Takaru's room, they all were fine. I wish I could stop feeling this sadness like everyone else.

"Hidaka." Gotti called out to me. He had bright smile on his face. "I see you're in good spirits today."

"I feel great Gotti, better than I've ever been." I used my best chirpy voice to match my outer emotions. I took out a box with the word 'pens' on it. "Hey do you want this?"

"Huh?" His smile was quickly replaced with a look of confusion. "That's you pen collection. As a fellow collector, I know giving out your collection is a huge deal."

"Oh I'm just cleaning out for the future." I laugh waving my hand. "There are lots of pens to collect in the world so I need more space."

"I see. I'll keep them safe." Gotti put the box somewhere on his side of the room. I don't really care anymore. I have most of my stuff packed in boxes and I've been trying to give out my stuff as of late. So far no one has questioned me too much about, but everyone seems to be getting suspicious.

"I still don't approve of what you're doing. You've given out almost all of your stuff." Gotti has a good eye. He's the one who worries me the most. He'll stop me, I just know it.

"Aww come on Gotti, what's a little cleaning." I wrapped my arm around him. "I'm just giving my old cloths to charity. I haven't worn that jacket in forever. Makes sense to give it away."

Gotti was iffy about this but eventually he agreed with me. That was close. "Come on; let's get these boxes to the charity house."

Everything was going as planned. We took the boxes to the Charity House. After that I and Gotti decided to hang out in the city. If course he dragged me to his creepy charm place. I told him not to get anything crazy but who am I kidding. He got something. It was a rectangle shaped charm with 'recovery' written on it.

"Hidaka I got this for you." Gotti places it in my hand. "The shop keep said that it's supposed to help with healing."

He was silent for a second. I wanted to say something but it felt like he had more to say.

"I know it been hard for you dealing with Kusuhara's death. I wasn't close to him like you were so I can't imagine how you feel or what you're going through. I want to help..." He sighed. "I don't approve of what you're doing but if it helps you..."

I hugged him. "Thank you Gotti. It's been hard and your support has helped all the way."

After that we returned to HQ. It was late when we returned. Gotti was getting ready for bed and I went to the bathroom. I open up the medic cabinet to get out a bottle of sleeping pills. I look at myself in the mirror. I smile to myself. Not happy fake one I've been putting on. This one had a somber feel to it. I was successful in tricking everyone.

I can't go on feeling like this. To continue to live without him is something I can't do anymore. Everyone will hate me for sure but they don't understand how I feel. A yawn escapes me.

I pour the pills into my hand until I get the hefty amount I think will do the job. I threw my head back letting those entire tablets slide down my throat. Now all I have to do is sleep. And not wake up.

I put the bottle back. I left the bathroom to go change into my night cloths. Gotti was already asleep so that means he didn't hear me. The charm he gave me, I placed it near him.

"I'm finally going to be happy again Gotti." I whispered.

I get into bed. Just thinking about reuniting with Taka-chan is the only thing making me happy. Soon my eyelids got heavier, I let them close. My final thought: 'I can't wait to see Taka-chan again!'


End file.
